She addressed this meeting of the Harper Valley P.T.A.

Keeley, Angela, and I so went to Barnes and Nobles today. We saw Lauren there; I poked her and she poked me back. Epic. We stopped by Target and Micheal's, too (I would have pushed Keeley through the door of Shoe Station if the sign still said "Hoe Station").

Then we so went to Kacey's party. There was karaoke, man. I had to sing "Harper Valley P.T.A." practically on my own, dude. And there was chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate. All I ate was a strawberry, two marshmallows, and two cookies (I'd already filled up on chocolate-covered pretzels I got from Micheal's). And a random mini-sandwich.

Austin decided to text me when I was having fun. He has the most irritating sense of timing ever. The conversation went like this:

Austin: Okay, i'm really tired of fighting. Me and Levi are straightened out, now it's our turn...

Rhianne: I've been sick of it. After what happened, though, I don't know that I want to fix it. Some things are so broken they can't be repaired.

Austin: So you don't want to fix it?

Rhianne: I don't think so. You've changed too much. I never see your eyes light up anymore.

Austin: Ok. Then bye.

Honestly - I don't know how to feel about it. I can't tell if he actually meant it or if - like Angela said - he was just trying to get me to stop being mad at him. I'm a little... numb, I guess. Like I can't believe it. It was one thing to break it through arguments - where we were both understandably angry - but another thing entirely to blatantly refuse to fix it when he offered too. I can't bring myself to think he meant it, though. He's just been so... un-Austin when I've been around him recently that I can't believe he's the same one I conspired with, developing a scheme, just to help him get a girlfriend last year. I can't believe he's the same one, when I suggested we act like we were mad at each other so that Katie wouldn't think we went out, who agreed but then turned and asked, "We're still going to be friends - right? We're just acting?" It's so strange. And by "eyes light up", I was referring to how he visibly reacts when he's really happy. I can remember days at the lunch table last year when I'd say something and he'd grin and his eyes would light up and he'd shake his hair and tell me something funny that happened to him. I never see that anymore, at least not when he talks to me. He only looks at me with no real expression at all and says something meaningless - no matter how funny - that makes me walk away feeling as if the conversation were... well, empty. I'm rambling right now, but I honestly don't care. I'm confused. If he could prove to me he really does care about keeping up a friendship, I'd forgive him. I'm afraid though, if he did, and I forgave him, that he'd just go back the way he's been.

I'm nearly out of pretzels.