Took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind

I left my body laying somewhere in the sands of time

["Kryptonite" - 3 Doors Down]

Levi and I went to the mall today. I had planned to get there a bit early so I could get a t-shirt or something (I've become an online shopping junkie but without PayPal I have to rely on what our in-city stores have in stock) but my sister picked me up a little late. I was proud of my hair - instead of curling at the ends like usual, it stayed straight (thank god for sunshine). Actually, today was the only sunny day we've gone to the mall.

It was fun, and I like being around Levi. Today, though, I felt like I messed up or did something wrong or something. Not sure why. I guess it could have been because I was stressed and trying to show it as little as possible. Or because I feel as though I have a lot of personality online and through texts but in person I'm extremely boring to be around. I need to relax and stop worrying so much. :\

Out of curiosity, I stole this from Chloe's dA journal. Comment with the questions and your response. If you want to. o.o

+WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I...+
I committed suicide:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I lived next door to you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got into a fight and you weren't there:


+WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY...+
Personality:
Eyes:
Hair:
Family:


+WOULD YOU...+
Be my friend?:
Keep a secret if I told you one?:
Hold my hand?:
Take a bullet for me?:
Keep in touch?:
Try and solve my problems?:
Love me?:
Date me?:


+HAVE YOU EVER...+
Lied to make me feel better?:
Wanted to kiss me?:
Wanted to kill me?:
Broke my heart?:
Kept something important from me?:
Thought I was unbearably annoying?:


+AND MORE...+
1. Who are you?:
2. Are we friends?:
3. When and how did we meet?:
6. Describe me in one word.:
7. What was your first impression?:
8. Do you still think that way about me now?:
9. What reminds you of me?:
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?:
11. How well do you know me?:
12. When's the last time you saw me?:
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?:
14. Are you gonna paste this to your blog to see what I say about you?:

EDIT:

Er. Some of those questions can come out a bit awkward. You can skip any questions you don't want to answer. :\

I'm like a rookie paramedic to a siren

praying for an accident

["Doctor" - Cute Is What We Aim For]

Yesterday was the last day of school. I was calm during the day, but at carpool I broke down and started crying (Keeley didn't know what to do). During third period, Angela, Lynette, Shay, and I kept trying to sneak out without Walworth noticing. Eventually, we managed to skip, but by that point there were only a few minutes left of third period P.E. (I'd like to interrupt to add that I gave Caleb Bubbles my phone number during second period 'cos he's moving and I'd like to keep in touch with him.) During fourth period P.E., Austin was skipping his computer class, so he was hiding from the coaches by sitting curled up on that concrete floor between the top bleacher row and the wall. I sat by him and we talked a bit. Not much, but a bit.

Around that point, Laiken, Braxton, Brandon, and maybe Elliot began to tease Thompson for what he'd been caught doing in the computer classroom that I would rather not repeat. He began to get angry and starting yelling at them and then moved over to the other bleachers. I don't know if it was before or after this that the miniature fight between him and Brandon / Elliot began. It consisted of hitting, slapping, and yelling, and lasted less than three minutes. They continued to tease him even when he wasn't over there (this included counting to three and getting almost everyone in the group to yell, "THOMPSON!" in unison; I think Angela, Chris, and I were the only ones who didn't participate). So, he stomped over and screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU FUCKING WANT?" or something to that degree. I forgot what happened after that. I don't think I was really paying attention. I think I was talking to Austin and Laiken and trying very hard to ignore Kalyn.

Fifth period went by and I got my report card (all A's and B's except for P.E., in which I had a D). Like I mentioned before, I started crying at carpool. Then I went home.

My mom and sister got into an argument and I think my sister is moving out. I was taken down to Marianna, Florida for my cousin Tyler's graduation (which lasted 'till eleven), which was not particularly what I had planned.

I've gotten addicted to a few different bands recently, also: Jack's Mannequin, Cute Is What We Aim For, The Maine, Mayday Parade, and The Academy Is...; I still need to check out Alkaline Trio, NeverSayNever, and Enter Shikari.

I can hear it, the jet engine

through the center of the storm

and I'm thinking

I'd prefer not to be rescued

Blame Chloe - she got me addicted to Jack's Mannequin, especially "Rescued". Reminds me of a long-forgotten story that never had an ending. Chloe and Danielle understand.

Yesterday was the awards ceremony. I got two awards - one for getting third place in the SET Tournament (I fail) and the other for 'participating' in United Nations (I was sick the days of competition). Afterwards, my dad stood there in the crowd of kids, looked at me, and said, "They kicked your ass."

I don't really remember yesterday, except that I finished The Outsiders. It's... amazing how powerful a thin novel like that can be. People separate themselves into groups, and that's human nature; it'll never change, and it'll be passed down through generations, but regardless of what group you're in, everyone is human. Like Cherry Valance says, "things are hard all 'round." Despite this, resentment grows just as naturally as the individuals form themselves into opposing sides. Violence and hate blossoms. But there's no point. Then again, circles never end and circles never have a point. And it's all just one big circle.

I'm still waiting for it to hit me that everything is changing and ending. I just don't know what to think anymore. In review, a few of the things I gained out of seventh grade were a harsher outlook on life, a more brutal temper, and a fear of settling. A fear of settling on anything; I'm afraid of getting in a relationship with any of my friends because I can't see it lasting. I'm afraid that if I did get into a relationship, it would end so soon I could barely blink, or that it would be unhappy. It's less about the actual relationship and more about what it might do to the friendship.

Today was almost normal. It didn't seem like the last full day of school. I find it hard to believe that it was, even though I know it's undeniable. I'm going to cry tomorrow. That's as undeniable a fact as that today was the last full day. I always cry on the last day of school.

At least I'll have a busy summer.

Also, in response to Levi's comments about apartments on his blog, I plan on saving up money throughout eighth grade and high school so that I can have my own apartment by age seventeen. I also plan on finishing the comic book, which is on hold because Chloe has been working on her art profile and Lor has been hanging out with her boyfriend and Melissa has been doing whatever Melissa does and Gemma has been being Canadian (and because I've been spending more time using my blog or hanging out with Angela or Levi and because my tablet pen is lost and my laptop died for good and I do a large part of the work on the comic and by God I need to whip the team into shape or it'll never get done and they better damn well get ready because I am so about to get on their asses about work; they're the ones who agreed to do the comic). ANYWHO I also plan on dying my hair dark purple the day after I graduate from high school. rebelllllion

I'd like to buy the world a Coke

and keep it company :)

So Levi and I went to the mall today (naturally). We only had an hour and thirty minutes - we both got there a little late and my sister was determined to leave at 4:oo P.M. - but we made the most of it. I was so smart that I wore a tank top on a rainy, cold day. Yep.

Basically, we do nothing but walk around, ride escalators, dodge people we know, and drink Coke. I love Sundays. :D But for some reason, Sunday draws all of the 'gossip queens' in seventh grade to the mall. Last time we saw Sam and Kendall, which wasn't too bad because I'm on good terms with them, but today we ran into Morgan and Katie (they run in pairs :o). They didn't see me because I started walking faster after the brief shock wore off and sort of hid behind Levi. If they had seen me, though, they'd automatically tell people like Lynette. :\

He played poker for eleven hours and only got four hours of sleep, so he was a bit loopy, but in a good way. xD We sat and drank Coke and looked at the dates on our coins (I had a 1965 penny WHAT THEN) and he made a statue out of our straw wrappers. I managed to get him to go get a cookie with me. He wasn't going to get himself a cookie at first, but my influence was too influenzic (don't ask o.o). So he got a cookie and I got two. I ripped the second one in half and gave him one half for later. If you don't eat it, Levi, you will make me sad. D:

Next Sunday I'll probably have to get my dad to drop me off instead of having my sister take me and stay at the mall. I'm getting sick of her making me leave early, and she won't be able to to take me for the next two Sundays anywho. If it's a clear day, my mom will pro'lly let me stay there without having a family member stick around. It makes me feel like a dork when my sister or dad are somewhere in the mall, 'cos no one else's parents do that. :\

My birthday is the Tuesday after next (June 2nd). I'm not having a party, but I'll probably drag Levi and Angela out somewhere. Maybe not together, since they don't know each other and I don't think either would enjoy being stuck with a person they don't know. I do not eat cake so don't even suggest it. Does anyone know of some good movies playing on the second? I usually go to a movie for birthdays (last year: Iron Man; previous year: At World's End) and then out to eat afterwards (last year: McDonald's; previous year: Chili's). I'd kind of like to do something less monotonous and plain, though. I mean, I'm turning thirteen. I don't like drawing attention to the fact that it is my birthday on my actual birthday (and opening presents is always awkward for me), so I'd like it to be something not birthday-specific but still fun at the same time. Dunno how I'm going to really work out my plans if I hang out with Ange and Levi separately.

Birthdays are confusing. :\

I'm the new cancer

never looked better

you.can't.stand.it.

Today was the field trip to Patricia Lanes. I was on the N-Z bus (no one in seventh grade has a 'Y' or a 'Z' name anywho - I'm the fourth to last person in the alphabet), which - yes - meant I was on the bus with Shelby, Austin, and Braxton. And yes, I did sit near them. The ride there, I ignored them and stared out the window (Austin and Shelby sat behind me, Austin on my side next to the window, and Braxton sat across the aisle from me). The ride back, I was laughing and joking around with Austin. It was almost like last year.

At Lanes, I only bowled once, then gave up. I could barely lift the ball. Caroline, Angela, and Helen all took turns as Honorary Rhiannes. I mostly walked around with Caroline's jacket on and a Monster in my hand (Brandon, Angela, and Helen all drank out of it xD). I'm not supposed to drink energy drinks because of my heart condition and I don't care. I finished the entire thing, even though I was about to throw up and I had a splitting headache (Austin found this hilarious, which I found hilarious).

Austin rode the pony - he rode it reeeel good. xD There was one of those horses that moves around and tries to knock the person off and Austin rode it and tried to make it look sexual even though it made him hurt. (To which I responded, "Dude, that's why guys in skinnies don't need to ride those damn things.") He, Angela, Helen, and Caroline are NEVER driving me ANYWHERE. There was a taxi game in the arcade room and I watched them play it. They fail. SORRY ANGE D:

Not much else happened today. I need a more interesting life.

Thanks for the memories

even though they weren't so great

So today we got yearbooks, which is, like, epic. I colored the McDonald's fries on mine with a yellow sharpie-knock off. My signature on most peoples' yearbooks included a retarded inside joke, finished off with "-RhiiRadical" or "-Rhii".

The signatures in my yearbook (so far) are as follows:

Harry Potter say WHAT?! I [heart] Sirius

~ANGELA

Hey Amanda

How are you Amanda

Love you Amanda

Yo.

- Beza :o3

Laiken

[heart]'s

you

I [heart] you!

Remember not to hit anyone! =)

-[heart]-

Lauren M

Heather

wuz

Here!

I [heart] u!

hi =)

Mark Govoni

Moo!

(Bill AKA Ben)

I

[heart]

U!!

Lauren

Mitchell T.

Rhianne :D

is cooler than your mother ;p

Kendall :)

Mexican

says

Hi!

Sydnee_seizure

[heart]'s

here!

Ash!

I [heart] YEW

ARTIST

RI RI

^ INSERT "H" Here

Margaret Landers

. . . . .

Helen

[peace] [heart] =)

Heyllo!

Austin

I love Rhianne!

-sam m.

Rhianne -

Your AWESOME!

Thanks for being my Super Buddy! I love you's!

See you in the hall. Have an awesome summer! -Caroline!

Rhianne

you

ROK!!

MGB

BK

Patrick's Corner

I've enjoyed beeing yor friend and will be looking forward to seeing u later somtime!

Bye Bye!

=P

AMANDA!!!

(Rhianne :( )

You're awesome!

Don't ever change!

-always Emma Salisbury

Have a great summer

[heart] U! - Braxton

Connor wuzn't here he wuz here -> here

Rhianne!

I [heart] U and your so great at drawing. THIS IS MY page and don't forget it.

Over the summer, remember:

stay safe (u no what I mean),

stay cewl,

don't get pregnant,

when you go to the beach don't go touch the jelly fish.

And don't forget, STAY RANDOMLY

AWESOME! awswer the telly! Sharon!

[heart] Chris

Ash! :)

I have dorky friends. <3

I only appear four times in the yearbook: My seventh grade fall photo (fourth to last person), my Tech Lab photo (I look like a boy with my hair pulled back and an Auburn sweatshirt on), my SAMUN Ethiopia photo (in the back - with my hair tied up), and a photo of Helen and me at the Valentine's Dance (only good photo of me - but my dress looks photoshopped). I went around looking up the photos of the random sixth- and eighth-graders who I annoy the hell out of on a daily basis (or when I get a chance). I don't count Cory, Levi, or Leandra as being 'random' eighth graders since I've known them all since last year. :D (I met Leandra when we were preparing for the fall dance.) The 'random' eighth graders I do try to bug when I can are Ellis and Nolan, though. I'd bug the Taylor twins but they hate me because I broke up with their younger brother (dude, he wouldn't let my friends near me and he talked back to my dad - hell no) and then we prank called their mom's cell phone (I had taken his name off my contact list and I didn't have his number memorized so we called what seemed to be a random number on my Recieved Calls list - oops). Plus, they creep me out. D: In sixth grade, I stalk Jessica, Margaret, Ben, and Patrick.

At P.E. when we were signing, Kalyn turned to me and she said "Rhianne, you can sign if you want." and I ignored her blatantly. I'm a mean person sometimes but I really don't care. Also, glancing at some of my friends' yearbooks that she did sign, I noticed that I spell her name wrong. She spells her own middle name wrong - it's 'Rianne', which is completely fucked up - so I won't bother spelling her first name right. (Yes, you may draw my attention to the fact that my birth certificate spells my middle name the same way, but that is because the people who printed it were on crack. I always have and always will spell my name "Rhianne". It is not "Rianne", it is not "Rihanne" or "Rihanna" or "Rhianna", it is not "Brianne" or "Leanne" and it sure as hell ain't "Rhainne". I swear, I have been called Leanne, Brianna, Rihanna, and 'Rain'. When I was Amanda, I was called Miranda, so don't start with me about changing my name back, dammit.)

AWESOME 3OH!3 JUST CAME ON THE RADIO EPIIIIIIC

I have the urge to burst into totally inappropriate song, man.

I forgot to say: I went to my blog page to get the photo off my profile for my Seventh Grade Scrapbook that was totally overdue at school and I forgot to clear the history. Brady and Russell found it during their Math class and have started telling people I posted stuff about Brooke and Eden. You never see the name 'Brooke' in here and I only talked about Eden when I was relating the Lynette incident (I talk about Lynette shamelessly and I don't really care if she knows that). I was pissed. I signed on to my own blog to show them that I didn't post anything, and then I erased all history of it on the school computers. Gr.

Don't even talk about the consequence

'Cause right now you're the only thing making any sense to me

My first period class made Walworth cry. I didn't even want to look her in the eyes. I just kept my head down and doodled. It's sort of depressing that kids can be so horrible that they make their teachers cry. I never talk in her class anymore because I get irritated when I say something and then someone around me makes a stupid reply. I'm usually pretty tolerant but I've been dealing with it all year and I am sick of it. I'm about ready to get my stuff and move next to Keeley (for some reason, I don't sit next to her in any of my classes - I don't think it's outwardly intentional on either of our parts, but it could be subconsciously).

Braxton kept trying to get me to tell him what was 'wrong' in Biology. You'd think he'd understand by now that I am angry at him. My anger is not easily assuaged.

Like Levi mentioned, Austin wasn't at school today. I texted him to find out what happened and he got defensive and touchy, saying things like "Why do you even care anymore? I thought we weren't friends." When I convinced him to answer, he said that he woke up at 2:00 P.M. because his alarm didn't go off (when I asked how no one noticed he was still in bed, he stopped texting). I still can't bring myself to think that he actually cares. I've lost most of my trust in him, so I'm pretty hard-hearted toward him right now. But still...

Not only does that make me feel guilty, but also what I've said to Angela today does as well. Although I didn't lie to her, I could have been a little less blunt. I was hurt, though. I do feel that she ignores me in favor of 'fun' people - such as Keeley. She posted on the cBox today, asking why we never go to the mall anymore. We never go anywhere anymore. I usually don't invite people to hang out, and when I do, it's usually someone I don't know very well so that I can get to know them better. That makes it partly my fault, because I need to hang out with my in-school friends outside of school as well and because I need to make myself more available TO hang out with my friends like Angela when they ask me to. Sometimes I feel like she wants to hang out with other people more than she does me. I can understand this - I'm not the most interesting person to be around. I'm quiet, mainly because everyone else is loud and if I say something it gets lost (or I get interrupted) or I have something to say but I can't find an opening to interrupt and by the time they get quiet they've usually moved off the topic entirely. But, simply, I'm quiet.

Angela is loud. She likes to laugh and sing and joke and shout silly stuff like "Mitch has muffins!" She's hyper and giggly and I am not. I actually don't know how we became best friends (at least to me, she's my best friend), but we did and that's that. She has a tendency to talk over me and converse with other 'loud' people. And then I stay quiet. This is demonstrated at morning carpool, at P.E., in Civics, afternoon carpool, and even 'field trips' when others are there. During the party on Saturday I mostly kept to myself or ate or sang or texted or wore goofy glasses.

I'm not trying to say she's a horrible friend. Actually, I don't really know where my train of thought went because it fell off the tracks several times while I ate dinner or did the dishes. I am trying to say that she and I have differences and that we should probably find a balance. I need to become more outgoing and she needs to slow down.

I'm pretty lucky to have her as a friend and I feel guilty about making her feel guilty and about getting angry at her, but it's been building up for months and I had to let it go sometime. Reading her blog, I understand that she understands and I'm glad. I understand that she gets distracted and isn't really very interested in hearing about things that have nothing to do with her or people she knows, and I'll try to speak up and talk about subjects that interest us both.

Like the Harry Potter series and holy crap Angie the sixth movie comes out July 15th so we seriously need to get our plans together this summer 'cos we are soooooo having a party dammit

I tried so hard and got so far

but in the end, it doesn't even matter

It's official. Sunday is Mall Day.

Levi and I went to the mall again today. We were going to go see the Haunting in Connecticut but it was taken off-screen, so then we decided to go see Knowing at seven o'clock but then my parents told me we had to go to a matinee movie but there weren't any matinees we wanted to see so we went to the mall. Epic, eh?

We ran into Sam and Kendall. I hugged 'em both and then tried to make a get-away but then they were all "Who's he? Are you on a date? Do you guys go out?" They were not the only random girls we ran into, either. There was a chick who neither of us knew who passed by, waved, smiled, and said, "Hey, cutie." Or maybe 'Keeley'. I'm guessing she A: thought I was a girl named Keeley or B: thought Levi was cute. c: Or she could have been lesbian. I wouldn't know. Also, when we were going to Shiny Floor Place (Belks) two girls stopped us, asked us to give them our hands (we both thought they were going to do some psychic reading thing or something), and then put my hand in his.

Girls have issues, I can tell you that. c: (Levi, I apologize if anything I related there from the mall was something you would rather me not have posted.) I can sort of understand Sam and Kendall, because they actually know me and one is my friend and the other is my relative, but what is up with the others?

Also, Levi, I'mma borrow your kidney, mkay? c:

I'm watching Saw II.

She addressed this meeting of the Harper Valley P.T.A.

Keeley, Angela, and I so went to Barnes and Nobles today. We saw Lauren there; I poked her and she poked me back. Epic. We stopped by Target and Micheal's, too (I would have pushed Keeley through the door of Shoe Station if the sign still said "Hoe Station").

Then we so went to Kacey's party. There was karaoke, man. I had to sing "Harper Valley P.T.A." practically on my own, dude. And there was chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate. All I ate was a strawberry, two marshmallows, and two cookies (I'd already filled up on chocolate-covered pretzels I got from Micheal's). And a random mini-sandwich.

Austin decided to text me when I was having fun. He has the most irritating sense of timing ever. The conversation went like this:

Austin: Okay, i'm really tired of fighting. Me and Levi are straightened out, now it's our turn...

Rhianne: I've been sick of it. After what happened, though, I don't know that I want to fix it. Some things are so broken they can't be repaired.

Austin: So you don't want to fix it?

Rhianne: I don't think so. You've changed too much. I never see your eyes light up anymore.

Austin: Ok. Then bye.

Honestly - I don't know how to feel about it. I can't tell if he actually meant it or if - like Angela said - he was just trying to get me to stop being mad at him. I'm a little... numb, I guess. Like I can't believe it. It was one thing to break it through arguments - where we were both understandably angry - but another thing entirely to blatantly refuse to fix it when he offered too. I can't bring myself to think he meant it, though. He's just been so... un-Austin when I've been around him recently that I can't believe he's the same one I conspired with, developing a scheme, just to help him get a girlfriend last year. I can't believe he's the same one, when I suggested we act like we were mad at each other so that Katie wouldn't think we went out, who agreed but then turned and asked, "We're still going to be friends - right? We're just acting?" It's so strange. And by "eyes light up", I was referring to how he visibly reacts when he's really happy. I can remember days at the lunch table last year when I'd say something and he'd grin and his eyes would light up and he'd shake his hair and tell me something funny that happened to him. I never see that anymore, at least not when he talks to me. He only looks at me with no real expression at all and says something meaningless - no matter how funny - that makes me walk away feeling as if the conversation were... well, empty. I'm rambling right now, but I honestly don't care. I'm confused. If he could prove to me he really does care about keeping up a friendship, I'd forgive him. I'm afraid though, if he did, and I forgave him, that he'd just go back the way he's been.

I'm nearly out of pretzels.

Never gonna DANCE again

These guilty feet are gone of rhythm

One guess as to what event happened today.

I officially have three pairs of awesome glasses: my thin purple prescriptions, my thick black nerd glasses, and my bright pink heart-shaped sunglasses. They own yer mom.

At the dance, I danced. I dorked around with Angela, Chris, Keeley, and Heather. "Right Round" officially made my hair a mess - we were shaking our heads back and forth. For some reason I can never get down / get low / drop it. Ever. Or do the Cupid Shuffle (what IS a 'Charlie Brown'?). And Soulja Boi Tell'Em confuses the hell out of me. The only songs I sat out on were slow songs, and even then I stole a girl friend to dance (it's official - I am Chris's and Ashley's and Emily's ex-girlfriends :D).

At lunch, I had a burrito, man. Levi passed by right as I was taking a bite. If he'd been sitting at my table I would have been like "Dude... I, like, have a burrito, man~~" in the stoner voice (which has actually convinced authentic weed smokers that I was one of them). Also, ROFLMAO HYDE HAD A BURRITO that is all.

I have "Starstruck" stuck in my head. I like this song, this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick~ I very nearly literally rofled my ass off when that came on.

Edit:

I forgot to add that Braxton and Kalyn came up to me and asked me if I hated them. I didn't answer but instead hit Austin because I had told him when I was angry at them that I was "seriously starting to hate" them. (His defense: "I didn't tell them. Besides, they already know you hate them.")

Also, I am officially fail.

Yesterday I cried

You must have been relieved to see the softer side

Ugh. Everything is changing. Next year is going to suck. I can't wait till I'm out of highschool. One: I can do whatever I want with my hair, and Two: no uniforms. Ever. I refuse to get a job where I have to wear a uniform. If I magically end up being a doctor, I'll pull a House and walk around in civilian clothes.

>

Seriously though. Next year I can't play SET. It's the only thing I've ever competed in and now I won't be able to go to tournament. And everyone is going to look at Carver as a joke, since we're withdrawing from all programs and events except for Science Olympiad. (I have a grudge against Science Olympiad. Don't ask.)

And obviously Lynette took her bitch pills today because at Gym she came over to our group and start harrassing us. Everyone was standing in a line outside next to the stairs that go into the girls' locker room, and guys were running up, kicking the wall, and trying to leap over the railings. When we saw Eden and Lynette walk over, they stopped. Lynette was all "Ohhh, are you guys a cult? Do you go up on the platform and share your feelings?" I simply rose an eyebrow because I was the only one standing on the platform. Then she turned to me and went, "Are you sharing your feelings, Rhianne?" so I said, "No, Lynette, if I were you'd be on the ground and I'd have tackled you already." If there's one thing I'm proud of, it's my ability to keep a blank face and talk clearly and calmly when someone challenges me (that may not have seemed like "challenging" to a person who does not know Lynette, but if you do, you know that is her way of saying, "I think you're pathetic"). Braxton snickered and Tanner laughed and Laiken looked around like "what happened? o.o" because she never pays attention. I heard someone from our group call out "Burn!" Lynette then turned to Eden as if for support, and they looked confused because I talked back. And at that point, Lynette seemed to notice that I had my scarf tied around my head like a pirate and a new name for me was born: "Cancer Girl". I wanted to say "Cancer is nothing to laugh at, Lynette. I have all of my hair, thank you very much. No, it is not a wig. Is your hair a wig? I'd be happy to pull it to check." but since I'd like to go through the end of May without beating someone up I didn't bother.

My part in our mock trial is the reporter. I originally had no part, but I went to Mrs. Weeks and she gave me that position. So I get to write articles based on the trial as updates come in. I'm going to use a penname - Maureen Caldone - since it's mostly in-character. I'm also going to wear thick black reporter glasses. Sexy. :P Angela is going to be our District Attorney. Her slip said "D.A.", which is hilarious. xD

Also, I nearly forgot to add: Kalyn told Braxton that my grandmother runs a "sex store". I don't know where she got that from, but one: my aunt runs it now, two: it's not a sex store - it's a lingerie store, and three: it's none of her business. She had to have known about it from someone else, because even if she DID see the store, she wouldn't have known it had anything to do with my grandmother or me.

It's five o'clock somewhere

Ohcrap. That's here. :o

I got to school a bit late this morning. My hair turned into a mess mess, actually, instead of looking like an intentional mess. I like my intentionally messy style. Then again, with haphazardly cut hair like mine, everything looks messy.

I measured my weight in Biology today - we didn't have to, but Dean handed out scales to us (for some sort of muscle thing, like I actually remember what it was about) and when she wasn't looking I stood on our group's scale. I'm only 90 lb., which means I lost four pounds (rather than gaining weight). I hate being so scrawny. : I've adjusted to looking like a boy, though.

I feel like ranting, but I'm not sure on what topic to rant. : I could always rant about Austin. I swear, there is no limit to how much I could rant about him. Damn. Everytime he acts so fake it pisses me off. I'm the only one who even remembers what he used to be like. Well, there was a mini-rant.

Have you seen America's Next Top Model? Some of those chicks on there are such bitches. Makes me think twice about making up a portfolio for Rare Quality. (Then again, I'd never make it to ANTM anywho. xD I'd probably rip "Miss Jay's" face off. He makes me sick the way he tries to draw attention to himself by dressing retarded and putting down everyone.)

The dance is Friday. I just like seriously realized that. I'm still trying to decide if I want to dance or not. I know that when I get there I'll have no choice - I'll automatically start dancing, even though I don't really want to. I look so ridiculous. Lynette always goes "Dance, Rhianne!" at me in the hallway, and this week it's been worse. Everytime she sees me she makes a comment like "Can't wait to see your new moves on Friday, Amanda!" I probably wouldn't mind being called Amanda as much if people didn't use it to irritate me. Last year I nearly rebroke my then-best friend's nose for calling me by my real name. I felt no remorse.

I want to swim away but don't know how

sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

I seriously need to clean out the inbox on my phone. I cleaned it out on Thursday and it's practically overflowing by now (why am I not surprised?). Then again, everyone who has ever looked at my text inbox knows I'm a message-hog. I still have messages from August. :D

At least today was uneventful. I snapped at Braxton in Chess (no, I am not a chess player - actually, I'm rather famous for my inability to play it in our class) when he dismissed the idea that he had tried to use me as a chaperone. Then again, it wasn't really necessary. He contradicted himself by saying "We just needed you because Kalyn's mom wouldn't have let her go without another girl there, not as a chaperone-whatever."

I'm exhausted. I managed to get to sleep at a reasonable time, but I haven't eaten dinner for nearly a week. My appetite has been disappearing recently for whatever reason and my brain hasn't been working well (why I haven't gone into much detail recently when posting). Maybe that's just stress.

Actually, I really do feel like my other posts could use more detail. Blunt is nice and good sometimes, but not really in this case. You don't really gather much out of most of my posts.

I'm sort of horrified because I can't remember the tune to "Into the Ocean". As many of my friends may remember, I used to be obsessed with Blue October. Seriously, obsessed. Said obsession lasted from mid-fifth grade to mid-sixth grade. I memorized as many of their songs as possible but recently my fangirlism for them has given way for bands such as, well, the Killers and Panic! at the Disco, but also Fall-Out Boy, Metrostation, and Shinedown. (Trust me, my music-love is not limited to just them. At all.)

I have the spontaneous urge to go watch Dr. Horrible.

You need to, too.

Yeah, you.

You can't hide from me. D:<

She said she won the world at a carnival.

I've officially become addicted to "Bones" by the Killers. I blame Levi. (The lyrics in the title are from "She Had the World" by Panic! at the Disco, though.)

Speaking of which, we went to the mall today. We stuck around for, like, three hours. Mostly we just talked (and rode the escalators at Dillard's). It was nice. What I like about hanging out with him is that I don't have to worry about drama - he's mellow and since we're in different grades we don't have to bother with, like, mutual drama. You know what I mean?

Not much else has happened so far. c:

Andy, you're a star ~~

~~ in nobody's eyes but mine

This is seriously messed up.

So Austin and I were close friends last year, you know. He was my best friend - I don't know if I was his, but he was mine. I was there for him, and he was there for me. At least, I thought he was.

Fast forward to seventh grade.

I won't bother describing how he got new friends and started ignoring me, but I will talk about last night. I texted him, and, for once, he answered. He sounded like something was up, and he even said "I'm apathetic right now." I got concerned, so I asked him if something had happened. He got irritated, asking me why I always thought something was wrong. So I was like, "We never talk anymore so forgive me if I don't know what actually goes on in your life." and then he dropped the bombshell. Long story short, he said that he's popular now so he only talks to me when he "gets a chance". Then we went on to argue about nicknames - he hates me saying his name or calling him "Aus" or "Aussie" and I hate him calling me "Rhi-Rhi", "Amanda", and "Fruity" - and at that point he A) fell asleep because he didn't feel good (no, I do not feel guilty for arguing with a guy who was feeling sick) or B) decided to just stop texting.

On Thursday, I'd like to add, Brandon told Braxton that Austin was trying to break Braxton and Kalyn up and I spent all of fifth period trying to convince Braxton not to kick Austin's ass. I did not succeed and therefore pulled Austin to the side (I nearly shoved him into the lockers because I was pissed) and informed him: "Dammit, Austin, Braxton's going to kick your ass because he thinks you're trying to break him and Kalyn up. You better not get hurt 'cos if you do I'm going to kill him and I don't want any blood on my hands." And yes, almost exactly in those words. At the same time Brandon was trying to get Austin to ignore me and go to class because he was afraid I'd say that he told Braxton. Instead I saved his ass and cussed him out at morning carpool the next day.

And then today, I got a call from Braxton (who got pissed at me yesterday). At first, I ignored it. I let it ring (or, rather, vibrate, since I'd been texting Levi and I didn't want my phone to go BEEP BEEP BEEP everytime he texted back), and then called him back. Here is what transpired:

Rhianne: What?

Braxton: ... Well, that was kinda... rude. I was going to ask you if you wanted to do something, but fine then...

Rhianne: -huff- I'm in a bad mood right now, Braxton.

Braxton: Then I guess I'll call you back later.

FYI I feel no guilt.

Anywho, he did call me back (to him, "later" is the span of about two minutes). This time he pulled Kalyn on the phone. They asked me if I wanted to go to the mall. I said sure (although the entire time I used my irritated voice and tried to glare at them through the phone) and the plans were made. Because I have horrible luck with weekend plans, Kalyn got into an argument with her mom, which resulted in her getting grounded, which resulted in Braxton going emo and deciding not to go, which resulted in my not getting to go because A) I would be alone and B) Braxton was supposed to pick me up. When I asked him why me, of all people, he chose to drag out with them to the mall, he said that Kalyn wasn't allowed to go out with a guy alone. So I was supposed to be their chaperone on a date. That irked me to no end.

On a not-dramatic note, I've been texting Levi for the past two days. I met him at the SET / Chess Tournament last year (in the summer, also of last year, I made a post about my determination to win this year; I got third place, which was better than I did last year, so I'm happy). We played Twenty Questions. c: But we didn't get through all twenty. He has a blog, too, as well as the link to this here blog. Hi, Levi.

Also, I fully intend to force Angela to bring her blog back to life.

[ Edit ]

I forgot to add that about two weeks ago Mitch and I went out again. I thought it would be different and that the only reason I was so uncomfortable last time was because I was getting over someone else. I was so wrong. Turned out he only liked me because he thought I was hot. He's already had three girlfriends since then. He's an idiot.