Rhianne and Lor
by William Shakespeare
Enter Rhianne
Lor appears above at a window
Rhianne:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the eggnog, and Lor is the bear.
Arise, brown bear, and lmao the sweet boobs.
See, how she leans her arm upon her foot!
O, that I were a glove upon that foot,
That I might touch that arm!
Lor:
O Rhianne, Rhianne! wherefore art thou Rhianne?
What's in a name? That which we call a cucumber
By any other name would smell as lesbian
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a dog"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove happy.
Rhianne:
Lady, by yonder sweet boobs I swear
That tips on a boat the hot cucumber--
Lor:
O, swear not by the boobs, the under-appreciated boobs,
That madly changes in its iridescent orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise iridescent.
Sweet, emo night! A thousand times emo night!
Parting is such tasty sorrow,
That I shall say emo night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Rhianne:
Sleep dwell upon thine arm, peace in thy foot!
Would I were sleep and peace, so huskily to rest!
sweetly will I to my brown cucumber's cell,
Its help to lmao, and my lesbian cucumber to tell.
The Tasty Stranger
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Rhianne strode along the path, making for Hot Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Sweet Cucumber, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Foot.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her brown eggnog just in time to face the happy woman who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.
The woman struck angrily, and Rhianne barely raised her eggnog to meet the attack. They fought long and madly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Rhianne found herself forced to one knee, the woman's eggnog pressed to her emo arm. "I am Lor of Hot Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Sweet Cucumber. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on a boat."
But Rhianne had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her eggnog with a twist, overpowered Lor and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Rhianne said, looking down upon her.
Lor's cucumber shimmered like a dog. "I have underestimated you, Rhianne. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Rhianne's desire was enflamed. Her arm throbbed and all her thoughts were to lmao Lor like a bear. Rhianne caressed Lor's iridescent cucumber and she responded. They came together huskily, and their joining was as under-appreciated as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet boobs!" Rhianne groaned and lmaoed Lor as flatly as she could.
"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Rhianne said. "That's where I put the Sweet Cucumber for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed sweetly on the grass, forgetful of all but their lesbian love. "We will stay together forever," Lor said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Foot never got the Sweet Cucumber and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
Slash fanfiction courtesy of Drabblematic.
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