I think I'm going to stop posting for a while.

At least until I have my own computer back.

I'm starting to get paranoid.

I'm pissed right now. I went back to FML to catch up on what I've missed and I saw one that mentioned Blue October. I think the comment that got me pissed the most was, "YDI for listening to Blue October and not being embarrassed by it!" I meant, wtf, man? Why would you be embarrassed to listen to them? Because they have lyrics that are classified as 'emo'? Who gives a shit? They're a great band, with great songs. Their lyrics are deeper than most people think. Into the Ocean saved a lot of people from suicide, and that damn well doesn't sound embarrassing to me. I can relate to most of their songs, directly or indirectly.

Sorry, I just had to rant about that. I usually don't get very angry about people insulting Blue October, because it really can't be helped and it simply makes me sound like a whiny prick if I argue, but I'm fucking angry that anyone would think you should be embarrased for liking them.

Two weeks away, it feels like the whole world should've changed.

But I'm home now
And things still look the same
I think I'll leave it till tomorrow to unpack
Try to forget for one more night
That I'm back in my flat on the road
Where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can't watch the sunset
I don't have time
I don't have time

["Sand in My Shoes" - Dido]

Heather moved today.

It's just weird now.

Like.. empty.

I'm not used to her not being here.

You know, everything's the same but it's all changing. Does that make any sense? I mean.. it's hard to explain. Now I'm confusing myself. It's like when I came back from Florida, I came back to the same-old same-old, except the same-old same-old is now different, but it's still the same-old same-old.

Getting me now? Probably not.

Lauren's made it her mission to give me a make-over this year. I don't know how to politely refuse. I wish she'd stop trying to change me. I don't want to wear skirts and put on mascara and lipgloss. It's just not me, and the fact that she keeps trying to get me to dress girly just makes me insecure.

Um.. I don't really know what else happened at school. My computer class is convinced I cheat when I type, because I had 85 WPM while most of them had something around 30 or 40. And Deja and I partnered up in Math.

I feel alone at school.

But I'm only

In the outskirts

and in the fringes

On the edge

and off the avenue

And if you want me

You can find me

Left of center

["Left of Center" - Suzanne Vega]

Today was the first day of school and I've already fallen asleep in class. Twice. At least Deja was behind me to wake me up.

When I got to school, I ended up just sitting on the top row in the bleachers, next to the guys. All of the people I hung out with in seventh grade sat on the bottom row, but it was way too crowded. I hate feeling suffocated. (That's right, Rhianne, go ahead and make up lame excuses for your anti-socialness.) Looking around, I could already tell there weren't many people I got along with left. At least A'Jae is there now, though. She was a friend from Selma Street. (She was at the 2008 SET / Chess Tournament. I mostly hung out with her and Ashley because the only other person I knew was Caleb, and he and I don't talk much.)

I hate that I have the same homeroom as last year, but there are some new people in there. Jeremiah was in my homeroom this year (okay, he's not new at all, but his last name starts with 'S', so it was unusual; is it weird that I'm still not used to some guys in my class having the beginnings of beards / mustaches?) and so was Chance, Levi's neighbor. I didn't get an opportunity to say hi to him, though. It was a bit of a hectic day.

My first period was Reading. I'm not sure if I really like the teacher or not yet. To be honest, I forgot half of what she said. Lauren was in my class, and so was A'Jae, and I think Braxton was, too. (He dyed his hair black to cover up the blue. I expected it.)

And then there was Science, with the new teacher. I got assigned a new girl as a partner; I think her name is Alyssa or something. She's a Joe Jonas fangirl. Gah. I glanced over at her and she had a binder covered in Joe Jonas photos and scribbles like "Future Mrs. Jonas<3" align="center">

I think we went to Break then. I just stood around talking to Mark and Lauren and comparing schedules. I only have one class with Angela and one with Mark, but almost all of them with Lauren. When Angela said she had all her classes with Helen, then told me that she and I had different PE periods, I realized that I have PE with Kalyn. (Helen has Guitar. Guitar and Piano have the same teacher, and are therefore different class periods. Kalyn has Piano. Yes, I really do make these connections in my mind for no reason.)

Oh, gosh. Third period I had Social Studies. Everyone I had talked to beforehand was not kidding when they said Mrs. Peacock was obsessed with cows. Oh my God, there had to be over a hundred cow items in her classroom. I couldn't look anywhere without seeing black and white spots. I didn't even bother trying to correct her when she called me Amanda; no one else who I knew went by their middle names corrected her, either. We were all too intimidated. x.x She messed up the seating, so half the class had to scoot up a seat or two so that I would have a desk. It really sucks having the last name 'Williamson' sometimes. She doesn't seem too bad, but I'm not going to try to test that. She scares me a bit. I have Angela and Mayra and Helen in that class, but they're all on the other side of the room because their last names are at the beginning of the alphabet. Oh, and A'Jae. Noticing a trend?

Then, I think, I had English. I liked that class. It was hilarious. Mrs. Jordan, instead of just simply calling roll, asked us to each stand up in order and state our name and what we felt like eating at the moment. It was unusual, which made it awesome. This may be the first year I actually like English. Lauren and A'Jae were in it. Go figure.

The last academic class I had was Math. God, I kept falling asleep while she talked. I really do need to get more sleep. I don't want to wake up with kids giggling and telling me I just dozed off in the first week of school. Um, I don't think anything really interesting happened that period. Oh, wait, lunch. I had lunch. Well, actually, I didn't have it. I wasn't hungry, so I just set it off to the side and let Deja and Brandon (the Brandon who has the thick Southern accent who played my wife when we were reading out loud from A Christmas Carol in Reading last year; I was Bob Cratchett) have it. Then I struck up conversation with Arianna, a new girl. At least I'm not going to be the only person teased and called Rihanna this year, but it sort of bugs me a bit that everytime someone says her name I look up. (Her name is pronounced Air-ee-anna, not Air-ee-ahna; so it sounds like my name, but with an 'A' on the front and the end.) She seems nice.

In Computer, we just sat in Mrs. Jordan's classroom (I have her for two periods, which is awesome) and did a crossword puzzle. I was the only person who had almost all of their blocks filled in. Lauren and Mark were in that class. It felt lonely without Angela there. I'm so used to seeing her, Lynette, and Feng in Computer, but Angela and Feng have different classes and Lynette went to the other middle school.

Nothing really significant happened in PE, except for Lauren telling me she was a bit freaked out by my tomboyishness and asking me to do something pretty with my hair. I didn't really know what to say. I wasn't insulted, just confused because it shouldn't bother her that much. It still doesn't make sense to me.

I never mentioned on here that I started talking to Kalyn, but I did; I actually get along with her pretty well. Go figure. We talked for five hours straight on the last night I was in Florida. Today we didn't really talk, though. She acted pretty shy around me. I guess it's probably because we don't ever hang out with each other and our only conversation was on Facebook.

It was an okay day. I'm really tired, though. (Oh, and Austin moved. Nearly forgot to mention it.)

I'm homesick.

D:

I'm such a bitch sometimes. I saw that Skylar moved to Destin and I was like "YESSS OH THANK GOD." x.x I seriously need to settle my issues with kids at school. I think my only real friends are Angela, Mark, Lauren, Helen, Cody Chang (yes, Angela, I DID just say Cody Chang), Tamir, Beza, and.. yeah. I think that's pretty much it at Carver. Except maybe those three sixth-going-on-seventh graders I occasionally hang out with, Jessica, Ben, and Margaret. I already know that seventh graders and eighth graders don't get many chances to hang out, though. But it was sort of funny when I walked over to Margaret's older brother, Ellis, and was like "HEY, CAN I HAVE A HIGH-FIVE? :D" and he was like "SURE. :D" Margaret was laughing her head off.

Yeah, carpool is retarded. It usually involves "Dude, Where's My Car?" jokes. :D When I first started randomly talking to Jessica, she said "Oh, yeah, you're that girl who kept saying 'Dude, where's my car?'" and I was like "Yeah, dude, seriously, man, I couldn't find my car. It's flipping yellow, I'd think I could find it." and she was like "And apparently you're also the girl who yells out 'BANANA CAR!' when the yellow car drives up."

I'm not going to bother talking to any of the "glamor emos" this year. Well, except maybe to LOL at the fact that they call themselves "glamor emos". I mean, wtf? Seriously, wtf Austin? Did the glitter kill your braincells? Who the hell even thinks up shit like that? xD

I just realized I'm more upset about the removal of SET and Chess at Carver than about the uniforms. Really, though, maybe I'll have to go out and buy chess sets and SET cards and drag all of my friends (except Angela, who I don't think likes my nerdy friends and who has already expressed her refusal to play chess or SET) into the library to play during break or something.

I want the world to know

I've got your back

Through up and down, see

So we can sit together

Side by side through amazing

blue skies

["Blue Skies" - Blue October]

Monday:

I still miss Dothan, but.. not as much. It's okay here. It's peaceful. I don't have to stress as much as I do at home. On the other hand, I miss my own hectic household, and everyone who's stuck out there in the Circle City.

Besides, I can't read FML here. D:

God, I'm so tired. I shouldn't be. I just am. I dunno if it's my effed sleeping pattern or if I'm just exhausted. What the hell am I going to do Sunday night? I can't go to sleep at 10 PM and wake up at 5:30 AM anymore. That's... like.. impossible for me now. Ugh.

And Blue Skies is such an awesome song. I am so in love with it. It inspired me for all of ten minutes to get up and make my life better. Then I remember I was in Florida and therefore really didn't have any ability to do so at the moment. So I was like "Damn." ):

I just got two really unexpected calls: one from Danielle/Script, who giggled in her usual way and was like "HII 8D" and I was like "Hey. Could you call back in two minutes? x.x" because it was 8:58 and it's not free until after 9 PM. Then she was like "Sure." and we hung up. The second call was from my dad. He never calls me, unless he's asking why my mom isn't answering the phone or I'm out somewhere and he's checking on me. This time he was calling to ask me how I was and to see when I wanted to leave. I said Saturday. I am NOT going to miss this Sunday.

Now Danielle and I are talking. :o We're such geeks we started laughing so hard at the fact that the Narrator's (the voice in my head that describes all my actions; think something along the lines of Stranger Than Fiction) writing skills resemble those of the high school roleplayers on Neo. It was roffleworthy. :3

"No."

"Uh-huh."

"No!"

"Yeah!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, what are you talking about?"

"I don't know!"

"I don't know either!"

"I'm talking about George Clooney, man!"

A few minutes later, and then Danielle was like,

"Mhm, George Clooney is my future husband."

"Nuh-uh. Oh no you didn't. Did you just go there? Girl, I think you just went there."

"I went there."

And then another few minutes later, she was like,

"I'm Googling him now. How do you spell 'Clooney'?"

"Dude!"

"Oh, now I see it."

"Dude.. you're Googling George Clooney."

"Yeah, I am."

"That's hot."

"It is?"

"Mhm."

Oh, man. We are so lame. She even got a Twitter (rararahabu).

Tuesday:

I need to learn another way to deal with my emotions. Just sayin'.

So, yeah, it's settled. I'm totally going to be back in Dothan by Sunday.

I don't even know what to talk about now. I think I'll end it here. Sorry, no deep thoughts to post today. :l I don't feel like talking about how I feel because it feels like I talk about it too much. I say "I feel like.." almost every other sentence sometimes. Maybe it's good that I talk about my emotions so much, but it's starting to frustrate me. I hate feeling like an angsty teenager. I need to take a hiatus from talking about how I feel.

Seriously, I'm ending it now before I go on a long rant about how I feel about not wanting to talk about how I feel. Rants/rambles are all I ever do. Later.