She turned her face to speak

but no one heard her cry

d r i v e f a s t e r, b o y

["Midnight Show" - The Killers]

Today, I'm angry and depressed and I don't know how to explain it. It's like I built myself up to be disappointed. I thought that being a teenager would mean I'd stop messing up but instead it just made it worse because before I thought it was alright because I was about to be, well, a teenager but now it's totally not alright at all. I still feel like a stupid kid who screws up everything and says stupid stuff. If you're trying to text me, I turned my phone off. I don't really know if I should post this, but I might as well. It's the least of my problems right now.

I'm thinking of inviting some friends out to go somewhere, maybe tomorrow or Friday. I don't like groups, though, so I'd probably end up only hanging out with one or two friends. Speaking of friends, I'm getting sick of hearing my girl friends go on about how much they love their "uber-hawt" boyfriends. :l

I may give the link here to a guy I met at the SET / Chess Tournament. His name is Cody, but just for future reference if I do give it to him and he does go to the link, he clearly is not the Cody mentioned in previous posts.

I was reading through my second-grade journal. It's so freaking retarded. At age seven, though, I was already reading Harry Potter five, so I'm sort of proud of my little-self. Honestly, I don't know if that's really a big achievement or not, seeing as half the kids at the elementary school I went to could barely read even in fifth grade and in the journal I mentioned that one of my SECOND GRADE classmates turned eleven, so obviously pretty much any academic achievement could be considered great compared to my classmates. I feel like an ass for saying that, but it's true. (Random fact: Melanie and Timberli, who were in eighth grade last year, went to the same elementary school, I believe.)

Caroline is convinced, for whatever reason, that I should date her ex-boyfriend Wyatt. Here's our conversation from Myspace:

CarolineCatastrophe++ : hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ rhii is radical ] : Hey, Caroline.

CarolineCatastrophe++ : Whats up?

[ rhii is radical ] : Nothing. I'm depressed. :l

CarolineCatastrophe++ : why???? :(

[ rhii is radical ] : Because I keep screwing up. :\

CarolineCatastrophe++ : imsorry! me and wyatt broke up.

[ rhii is radical ] : Haven't you been trying to break up with him for a while?

CarolineCatastrophe++ : not really :/. omg! you should date him!!!!!!!!!!!

[ rhii is radical ] : ... me? I can't really see that happening. It would probably be a week-long relationship filled with awkward, half-hearted conversation. Besides, I'm not really interested in dating anyone right now. My Fear of Ruining Friendships by Dating Guy Friends and Breaking Up With Them is acting up again.

CarolineCatastrophe++ : i sorry

[ rhii is radical ] : It's fine. You didn't say anything wrong. ... why did Braxton dye his hair blue?

And then we went on to hold an epically brief conversation about the fact that Braxton dyed his hair blue.

I turned my phone back on, by the way. I don't think anyone noticed it was off, though.