Hey, don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your head you feel left out

Or looked down on

Just try your best,

Try everything you can

And don't you worry what they tell themselves

When you're away

["The Middle" - Jimmy Eat World]

Levi and I went to the mall today. :o We didn't have very long, though, because I arrived forty-five minutes late (please. flame me. I'm always late.) and he had to leave at 3:50, therefore giving us an hour and five minutes, if my math is not retarded. We were mostly quiet the entire time, but I didn't mind. It's nice to hang out with him. After he left, Heather, her friend Denae, and I went to Wet Pets to look for another hedgehog for Denae. I don't like pet shops. I didn't want to even glance at the puppies. The entire time I mostly just watched the mice and hamsters. I like mice and hamsters. They're small, relatively quiet, and (to me, at least) cute. My mom would never let me get one, though.

After that, we went to The McDonald's with the Tree, then Target. I ended up in the Books section, looking for a Maximum Ride novel so I could read the back. I found Max, but I wasn't sure if it was the first in the series or not, and I didn't see a number on it. If there is one, then maybe I'm just retarded. I didn't really look too thoroughly because I didn't want to spoil it if it did happen to be a book later in the series. I then searched for at least one Terry Pratchett novel. My search was fruitless. Every store needs a Terry Pratchett novel.

Speaking of which, I have successfully pulled Levi over to the Dark Side. As I type this, he is off reading Night Watch, as he should be doing. :D I lent it to him and he lent me The Tiger Rising after finding that I didn't know what the Sistine Chapel was. (I am officially an idiot.) He said that he thought I'd like the female lead - Sistine Bailey - and he was so right it's scary. xD

As I set down the book, I just started thinking about Sistine's anger, then about my own. I don't really have a reason to be angry, when I think about it. I could just be a naturally angry person. I blow up when someone tells me to shut up. I intentionally do things to piss other people off, just daring them to fight me. Unlike Sistine, I don't have the opportunity to actually fight people as much as I'd like. Yes, I just said "like". I like fighting. Come to think of it, I think I'm just angry at myself. I don't know. ... That's a retarded minirant.

Speaking of tempers, I have a fucked up memory, which I have mentioned before. I don't like it. I sort of like it. But not really. I remember things exactly as they happened. Sometimes from another person's point of view, which is not supposed to be possible and may just be my imagination. But only "important" events stick in my mind. Yeah, half of this is coming out retarded and I just erased my "for instances", because they make me sound like a stalker. I suppose my memory could come in handy, but it hasn't yet. Unless you count being able to remember certain lines in Night Watch, including some from the excerpt from Monstrous Regiment. Every time I cut my hair, I hear Polly's fictional voice in my head saying "The effect the scissors had was... erratic, but it was no worse than other male haircuts here. It'd do." And today when I was wearing my baggy Converse jeans, I remembered the line "Then again, even plain old Sam Vimes didn't have his arse hanging out of his trousers, but no one would have actually started a war if he had." Those aren't exactly useful in everyday life, though, so I'm doubting the utility of my memory skills.

I went blonde on Saturday. No, not literally. I did ask two particularly stupid questions, though. After I heard my parents talking about college, I just blurted out, "Can a woman get a bachelor's degree?" without actually thinking it out. Later that night, my mom was watching a crime show and a dude was talking about what this other dude did to this chick, and he went "--he skinned her, he raped her--" and I accidentally asked out loud: "In that order?" I could hear my sister laughing in the kitchen.

And I'm really stupid for nearly forgetting this, but I told Levi pretty much everything I've been hiding, even though I realized that what I was hiding sounded pretty not-that-bad. But it really was. Is. The Problems did not go away. :l

ItalyItalyItaly. The chick on TV just said "Michaelangelo", reminding me of the fact that Levi wants to go to Sicily. I vote for an Italy roadtrip. I WILL see Venice before it sinks, dammit. BLAME THEIF LORD.

I need to stop typing up rambles and rants and then erasing them. I just prepared an entire ramble about Juuni's personality in comparison to mine and ended up erasing it all.