So now you'll have to take it
Take this to heart
I will never let you fuck me over
Stop talking down to me
Your war is old, your game is over
So here's my coldest shoulder
Take this to heart
I will never let you fuck me over
Stop talking down to me
Your war is old, your game is over
So here's my coldest shoulder
["Say It" - Blue October]
Oh shit, more Blue October lyrics. I decided to listen to the songs on their new album - Approaching Normal - yesterday. Actually, I stopped listening to Blue October after I met Laurel but I started listening to them again after I met Levi. I think I really like Foiled best out of all their albums. I dislike it when people listen to their music and say they love it but when I ask them if it means a lot to them or what they think it means, they just don't... get it. For instance, Danielle immediately claimed "What If We Could" as hers and Justin's 'song' but when we were talking about it she insisted the song was about sex. The song is about the singer meeting a woman he thinks he could fall in love with, but not being able to be with for whatever reason, and he's not sure if she actually would meet him if they could - but he knows he would meet her, and he sort of gives up toward the end of the song, telling her to go be her own star. I don't see how she got sex out of that. (Also, "Calling You" seems to be popular among my friends as their relationship songs. Actually, almost every female friend of mine who I've gotten to listen to Blue October has claimed one of their songs as their relationship song. To me that says: You don't care about their music, you just care about the fact that the song reminds you of your relationship, when in fact the song has an entirely different meaning.)
I'm running out of Poptarts. I ate all of the S'Mores flavored ones, so now I just have blueberry left. BUT. I got my addiction gum - 5 Elixir. I'm practically addicted to it. Seriously, go get some.
And yesterday I was woken up at 1:06 PM by a text message from Laurel's email address, saying that she'd been looking for me on AIM. I remembered it while I was online and I IMed her to find out exactly why she felt the need to contact me. It went like this.
rhiiradical:
What do you want? :l
LaurelDenise14:
?? Who's this?
rhiiradical:
Rhianne. Who else? I was woken up by a lovely text this morning informing me that a LaurelDenise14 was looking for me on AIM.
LaurelDenise14:
oh idk it sent tht 2 every1 for some reason
:C sawry it woke u
so how r u?
rhiiradical:
Irritated, actually. I'd appreciate it if you would erase my number from your contacts list. I'm not forgiving you anytime soon. You of all people know I hold grudges. Don't say hi to me when you see me out. I should think I've made it clear that I'm not interested in conversation.
LaurelDenise14:
i dont hav ur # my computer does sumwhere obviously
well at least i try 2 b nice
its not like i hate u
rhiiradical:
Unlike you, I don't put on a fake smile.
LaurelDenise14:
nd yes i do kno tht
im not puttin on a fake smile i want 2 b ur friend agan jus like i've been tryin 2 do for awile
rhiiradical:
To put it bluntly, I don't want to be your friend. I ended up throwing away everything from sixth and the beginning of seventh grade because I didn't want to remember it. That was the worst period of my life and you were not helping at all.
LaurelDenise14:
im sawry!
rhiiradical:
I'm not going to be sucked into all of that again. I'm GLAD you, Cody, and Austin are out of my life. I'm HAPPY now. I have a good life and I don't want it ruined again.
LaurelDenise14:
I enjoy having people as my friend, I have really changed and I want to be your friend agan.
Think we could just pretend like we were re-meeting for the 1st time?
rhiiradical:
Regardless of the fact that all of us have changed, my feelings toward you have not.
I had to say this to Austin. Do you think that saying it to him was any easier? I almost wanted to tell him yes, we could fix things. But I didn't and I won't. It'll just turn out the same. I'm sick of being everyone's dog.
LaurelDenise14:
Yeah? That's real obvious,but even though I know you don't like me,I'm not the same person I was and never will be again! I was feeling the same way and the bad thing was I needed you when I was leaving in a hotel for a months! I needed someone who really cared and got emotionally attached like I did and wouldn't treat me like shit. I needed someone and believe it or not I talk about you all the time,to everyone because you're awesome. I don't even like Austin much anymore and I only hang out with him with Shelby and I sure as hell do not like Cody,but I know I fucked up our friendship and I deserve your being mean to me,but I refuse to permanently lose you even if I have to keep you as an enemy because unlike the guys I'm stubborn and full of love and I AM NOT GIVING UP!
Oh and for the record it won't turn out the same!
I'm not the same Bitch
rhiiradical:
I needed someone while I watched my life get ruined. Everyone was on your side except for Austin, and then he turned on me, too. Do you have any clue what it was like for me? I entered the school with no friends and then you came by and picked me up off my feet and then threw me in a fucking ditch. You don't have to give up, but don't expect your attempts to turn up any results. I don't care anymore. I just want to live my life with the people who really give a fuck.
I've been kicked around too much and I'm fucking sick of it. Call me selfish.
LaurelDenise14:
I do care and I never wanted people on my side, I wanted them to leave me alone and give you a chance, I kept telling them that but no one wanted to listen to me! I still care about you and I do give a fuck,I never stopped.
I'm not judging anyone here. I never will. I know exactly how you feel because so have I. We both know we're not perfect and the reason we got in this argument was because I was letting popularity get to my head and I know I shouldn't have but I didn't mean to I wasn't conciously planning to destroy your life or anything.It was accidental and I'd NEVER EVER IN A LIFETIME DO IT AGAIN! But in all honesty if you don't want to believe me and don't trust me then don't. I won't hold it against you but fuck the people who do because they're hypocritically manifested and it's sickening that I used to be that way and I despise that fact that I acted as badly as I did but I'm not trying to cover up anything. Only you were pretty damn bad yourself, I just wanted to work things out and you were practically killing my emotions and what heart I had left along with my sanity,but I'm better now and I'm never changing not when I'm so happy and on cloud nine. I at least I'm pretty sane...lol! Kind off..but the fact is I never meant to hurt you or ruin your life or anything that I did and I'm sorry I did anything wrong,but for one I never stole Angie away she just left on her own,I wanted us all three to be best friends forever!
rhiiradical:
Don't bring Angela into this. I know I was a bitch. I'm not denying it. I was a harsh, heartless bitch. After a point I just did not give a shit anymore. I'm sorry for that, but it doesn't change a thing. I won't forgive you or fix things. I'm not even going to bother going into some huge rant about that fact, because I've said it as plainly and simply as possible. I just want to be left alone. True, I did contact you in the first place, but I was under the impression you had sent me a text. I don't care if you really did or if your computer did.
That's pretty much all I have to say anymore.
LaurelDenise14:
Okay,fine,I don't feel good and my hands hurt because of my artheritis and they're swelling,so I'm going to continue this on. Only yes I do have your cell number but it's attached in my memory. I'm just at least trying to be nice to you and that's all that matters is that I at least tried,so I guess I'm going to go.
rhiiradical:
Bye, Laurel.
LaurelDenise14:
Bye :( :( :( :( :( :(
You know you wanna be my friend! PLEASE!!!!
look now i have resorted to begging and that's really low for me!
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
:(
rhiiradical:
You don't become someone's friend by asking them to be one. It's not elementary school. You can't just go "Let's be best friends!" and have a peachy life.
LaurelDenise14:
Lol well at least I tried....
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
rhiiradical:
No.
We continued this for about four minutes nonstop.
LaurelDenise14:
Just hang out with me one day and then you can decide if you wanna be my friend
Hold all grudges back
rhiiradical:
No, I won't. I'm stubborn.
LaurelDenise14:
so am i
ask your parents and see what they say
rhiiradical:
They would never let me, you know that. I'm not even letting my mother know I'm talking to you. She would be pissed.
LaurelDenise14:
why?
rhiiradical:
They dislike you as much as I do. Maybe more. They're only polite because they have to be. And I don't feel guilty for saying that.
LaurelDenise14:
Well that's not nice,I like your parents. I've always looked up to them.
rhiiradical:
Your family doesn't like me. Also, what do you expect? Parents don't like people who hurt their children, no matter who or why.
LaurelDenise14:
My parents like you and so does my sis
rhiiradical:
Lmao, since when? You've never hesitated to tell me they think I'm an ugly, selfish, stuck-up bitch.
LaurelDenise14:
True but they still think you're cool actually they think you're pretty
Okay then bye.... :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
rhiiradical:
Bye, Laurel. :l
LaurelDenise14:
:(
:(
rhiiradical:
Stop spamming.
LaurelDenise14:
okay fine. Bye :C
:(
rhiradical:
Bye.
LaurelDenise14:
I'l im u again one day
What do you want? :l
LaurelDenise14:
?? Who's this?
rhiiradical:
Rhianne. Who else? I was woken up by a lovely text this morning informing me that a LaurelDenise14 was looking for me on AIM.
LaurelDenise14:
oh idk it sent tht 2 every1 for some reason
:C sawry it woke u
so how r u?
rhiiradical:
Irritated, actually. I'd appreciate it if you would erase my number from your contacts list. I'm not forgiving you anytime soon. You of all people know I hold grudges. Don't say hi to me when you see me out. I should think I've made it clear that I'm not interested in conversation.
LaurelDenise14:
i dont hav ur # my computer does sumwhere obviously
well at least i try 2 b nice
its not like i hate u
rhiiradical:
Unlike you, I don't put on a fake smile.
LaurelDenise14:
nd yes i do kno tht
im not puttin on a fake smile i want 2 b ur friend agan jus like i've been tryin 2 do for awile
rhiiradical:
To put it bluntly, I don't want to be your friend. I ended up throwing away everything from sixth and the beginning of seventh grade because I didn't want to remember it. That was the worst period of my life and you were not helping at all.
LaurelDenise14:
im sawry!
rhiiradical:
I'm not going to be sucked into all of that again. I'm GLAD you, Cody, and Austin are out of my life. I'm HAPPY now. I have a good life and I don't want it ruined again.
LaurelDenise14:
I enjoy having people as my friend, I have really changed and I want to be your friend agan.
Think we could just pretend like we were re-meeting for the 1st time?
rhiiradical:
Regardless of the fact that all of us have changed, my feelings toward you have not.
I had to say this to Austin. Do you think that saying it to him was any easier? I almost wanted to tell him yes, we could fix things. But I didn't and I won't. It'll just turn out the same. I'm sick of being everyone's dog.
LaurelDenise14:
Yeah? That's real obvious,but even though I know you don't like me,I'm not the same person I was and never will be again! I was feeling the same way and the bad thing was I needed you when I was leaving in a hotel for a months! I needed someone who really cared and got emotionally attached like I did and wouldn't treat me like shit. I needed someone and believe it or not I talk about you all the time,to everyone because you're awesome. I don't even like Austin much anymore and I only hang out with him with Shelby and I sure as hell do not like Cody,but I know I fucked up our friendship and I deserve your being mean to me,but I refuse to permanently lose you even if I have to keep you as an enemy because unlike the guys I'm stubborn and full of love and I AM NOT GIVING UP!
Oh and for the record it won't turn out the same!
I'm not the same Bitch
rhiiradical:
I needed someone while I watched my life get ruined. Everyone was on your side except for Austin, and then he turned on me, too. Do you have any clue what it was like for me? I entered the school with no friends and then you came by and picked me up off my feet and then threw me in a fucking ditch. You don't have to give up, but don't expect your attempts to turn up any results. I don't care anymore. I just want to live my life with the people who really give a fuck.
I've been kicked around too much and I'm fucking sick of it. Call me selfish.
LaurelDenise14:
I do care and I never wanted people on my side, I wanted them to leave me alone and give you a chance, I kept telling them that but no one wanted to listen to me! I still care about you and I do give a fuck,I never stopped.
I'm not judging anyone here. I never will. I know exactly how you feel because so have I. We both know we're not perfect and the reason we got in this argument was because I was letting popularity get to my head and I know I shouldn't have but I didn't mean to I wasn't conciously planning to destroy your life or anything.It was accidental and I'd NEVER EVER IN A LIFETIME DO IT AGAIN! But in all honesty if you don't want to believe me and don't trust me then don't. I won't hold it against you but fuck the people who do because they're hypocritically manifested and it's sickening that I used to be that way and I despise that fact that I acted as badly as I did but I'm not trying to cover up anything. Only you were pretty damn bad yourself, I just wanted to work things out and you were practically killing my emotions and what heart I had left along with my sanity,but I'm better now and I'm never changing not when I'm so happy and on cloud nine. I at least I'm pretty sane...lol! Kind off..but the fact is I never meant to hurt you or ruin your life or anything that I did and I'm sorry I did anything wrong,but for one I never stole Angie away she just left on her own,I wanted us all three to be best friends forever!
rhiiradical:
Don't bring Angela into this. I know I was a bitch. I'm not denying it. I was a harsh, heartless bitch. After a point I just did not give a shit anymore. I'm sorry for that, but it doesn't change a thing. I won't forgive you or fix things. I'm not even going to bother going into some huge rant about that fact, because I've said it as plainly and simply as possible. I just want to be left alone. True, I did contact you in the first place, but I was under the impression you had sent me a text. I don't care if you really did or if your computer did.
That's pretty much all I have to say anymore.
LaurelDenise14:
Okay,fine,I don't feel good and my hands hurt because of my artheritis and they're swelling,so I'm going to continue this on. Only yes I do have your cell number but it's attached in my memory. I'm just at least trying to be nice to you and that's all that matters is that I at least tried,so I guess I'm going to go.
rhiiradical:
Bye, Laurel.
LaurelDenise14:
Bye :( :( :( :( :( :(
You know you wanna be my friend! PLEASE!!!!
look now i have resorted to begging and that's really low for me!
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
:(
rhiiradical:
You don't become someone's friend by asking them to be one. It's not elementary school. You can't just go "Let's be best friends!" and have a peachy life.
LaurelDenise14:
Lol well at least I tried....
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
rhiiradical:
No.
We continued this for about four minutes nonstop.
LaurelDenise14:
Just hang out with me one day and then you can decide if you wanna be my friend
Hold all grudges back
rhiiradical:
No, I won't. I'm stubborn.
LaurelDenise14:
so am i
ask your parents and see what they say
rhiiradical:
They would never let me, you know that. I'm not even letting my mother know I'm talking to you. She would be pissed.
LaurelDenise14:
why?
rhiiradical:
They dislike you as much as I do. Maybe more. They're only polite because they have to be. And I don't feel guilty for saying that.
LaurelDenise14:
Well that's not nice,I like your parents. I've always looked up to them.
rhiiradical:
Your family doesn't like me. Also, what do you expect? Parents don't like people who hurt their children, no matter who or why.
LaurelDenise14:
My parents like you and so does my sis
rhiiradical:
Lmao, since when? You've never hesitated to tell me they think I'm an ugly, selfish, stuck-up bitch.
LaurelDenise14:
True but they still think you're cool actually they think you're pretty
Okay then bye.... :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
rhiiradical:
Bye, Laurel. :l
LaurelDenise14:
:(
:(
rhiiradical:
Stop spamming.
LaurelDenise14:
okay fine. Bye :C
:(
rhiradical:
Bye.
LaurelDenise14:
I'l im u again one day
I can't help but feel guilty - not because I still care about her, but because she has a way of just making you feel like shit. I just don't even know what happened anymore, but popularity has ruined most of my friendships. It makes me GLAD that people think I'm a bitch. I don't want to be popular.
I'm just happy it's over. I don't have to deal with her anymore. She knows how I feel, she knows I'm not going to give in. Whether she DOES IM me or not, I'm still going to stand my ground. She never needed me, except maybe to make her feel better about herself. God, I hate talking about her but I feel like I have to get it out before I scream. We both fucked it up, we just fucked everything up.
Why do I always let rants take up my entire posts?
Actually, all of that was written yesterday, while I was still pissed off. I just went back and changed the dates and stuff.
Today, I haven't done much, at all. I'm so lazy. :P My sister is back from Troy - she and my parents got into another college argument within the first hour after she'd gotten here. Again.
I think I may change my blog layout again. The pink is getting to me, even though it's used in small amounts. I'll probably do something in grey, yellow, and blue.
Lately I've been doing a lot of ink art. Usually, I'll sit in my corner listening to Blue October or KMX or the old summer mix CD I made at the end of sixth grade for a party that never happened and I'll take out a sheet of notebook paper and just scribble down how I feel in black pen. I like the boldness of wild, dark lines.
Out of curiosity, does anyone know what "hypocritically manifested" is supposed to mean? Actually, I'm looking back at the IMs and I feel like I'm the one at fault. I just don't want to get hurt again.
Whoo. Today I've been listening to Kanye West and The Veronicas and Katy Perry and Landon Pigg. Actually, I've mostly just been listening to anything that was on my "Recent Media" list on Imeem. And... this is probably long enough. I've just been trying to make it less angry by balancing it out with happy / neutral things. :o I don't think it worked. But I am in a good mood, actually. I... just wasn't yesterday.
4 comments:
i hold grudges for long periods of time also, i still havnt forgiven some of the people from elementary school for giving me so much crap to deal with. >.<
this one kid, briggs sheperds
-i think thats how u spell his name- gave me the most shit to deal with tho. it was just nonstop and he was the most annoying little wimp
but at the beggining of 3rd grade he started trying to make friends with all the toughest kids at school and by 5th grade he hung out with a lot of the really big kids.
so even if i decided to beat the shit out of him, he had like 6 guys double my size right behind him
-i also didnt want to get in trouble for it lol-
and i still had to deal with him all through 3 YEARS of middle school, so in all i had to deal with him 6 years, but GUESS WAT, i think he is going to dothan high muahahahaha, and i r going to northview now =D
Gah. People like that piss me off. :o
I think I've heard of Briggs before. I know I remember Levi mentioning him on his blog and I'm pretty sure I've seen bleacher graffitti about him. I've never met him, though.
Most of the people who try to make my life hell are going to Northview - with me. D: Except for Laurel, Laurel is staying at Ashford High.
where'd you get the template for this blog?? :O or did you make it...how do you make it... >.<
Actually, I used a Blogger template, I just modified it. :o If you have HTML / CSS and graphics experience, it's pretty easy.
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