Well I'm sick of standing in your line

So now you'll have to take it
Take this to heart
I will never let you fuck me over
Stop talking down to me
Your war is old, your game is over
So here's my coldest shoulder

["Say It" - Blue October]

Oh shit, more Blue October lyrics. I decided to listen to the songs on their new album - Approaching Normal - yesterday. Actually, I stopped listening to Blue October after I met Laurel but I started listening to them again after I met Levi. I think I really like Foiled best out of all their albums. I dislike it when people listen to their music and say they love it but when I ask them if it means a lot to them or what they think it means, they just don't... get it. For instance, Danielle immediately claimed "What If We Could" as hers and Justin's 'song' but when we were talking about it she insisted the song was about sex. The song is about the singer meeting a woman he thinks he could fall in love with, but not being able to be with for whatever reason, and he's not sure if she actually would meet him if they could - but he knows he would meet her, and he sort of gives up toward the end of the song, telling her to go be her own star. I don't see how she got sex out of that. (Also, "Calling You" seems to be popular among my friends as their relationship songs. Actually, almost every female friend of mine who I've gotten to listen to Blue October has claimed one of their songs as their relationship song. To me that says: You don't care about their music, you just care about the fact that the song reminds you of your relationship, when in fact the song has an entirely different meaning.)

I'm running out of Poptarts. I ate all of the S'Mores flavored ones, so now I just have blueberry left. BUT. I got my addiction gum - 5 Elixir. I'm practically addicted to it. Seriously, go get some.

And yesterday I was woken up at 1:06 PM by a text message from Laurel's email address, saying that she'd been looking for me on AIM. I remembered it while I was online and I IMed her to find out exactly why she felt the need to contact me. It went like this.

rhiiradical:
What do you want? :l

LaurelDenise14:
?? Who's this?

rhiiradical:
Rhianne. Who else? I was woken up by a lovely text this morning informing me that a LaurelDenise14 was looking for me on AIM.

LaurelDenise14:
oh idk it sent tht 2 every1 for some reason
:C sawry it woke u
so how r u?

rhiiradical:
Irritated, actually. I'd appreciate it if you would erase my number from your contacts list. I'm not forgiving you anytime soon. You of all people know I hold grudges. Don't say hi to me when you see me out. I should think I've made it clear that I'm not interested in conversation.

LaurelDenise14:
i dont hav ur # my computer does sumwhere obviously
well at least i try 2 b nice
its not like i hate u

rhiiradical:
Unlike you, I don't put on a fake smile.

LaurelDenise14:
nd yes i do kno tht
im not puttin on a fake smile i want 2 b ur friend agan jus like i've been tryin 2 do for awile

rhiiradical:
To put it bluntly, I don't want to be your friend. I ended up throwing away everything from sixth and the beginning of seventh grade because I didn't want to remember it. That was the worst period of my life and you were not helping at all.

LaurelDenise14:
im sawry!

rhiiradical:
I'm not going to be sucked into all of that again. I'm GLAD you, Cody, and Austin are out of my life. I'm HAPPY now. I have a good life and I don't want it ruined again.

LaurelDenise14:
I enjoy having people as my friend, I have really changed and I want to be your friend agan.
Think we could just pretend like we were re-meeting for the 1st time?

rhiiradical:
Regardless of the fact that all of us have changed, my feelings toward you have not.
I had to say this to Austin. Do you think that saying it to him was any easier? I almost wanted to tell him yes, we could fix things. But I didn't and I won't. It'll just turn out the same. I'm sick of being everyone's dog.

LaurelDenise14:
Yeah? That's real obvious,but even though I know you don't like me,I'm not the same person I was and never will be again! I was feeling the same way and the bad thing was I needed you when I was leaving in a hotel for a months! I needed someone who really cared and got emotionally attached like I did and wouldn't treat me like shit. I needed someone and believe it or not I talk about you all the time,to everyone because you're awesome. I don't even like Austin much anymore and I only hang out with him with Shelby and I sure as hell do not like Cody,but I know I fucked up our friendship and I deserve your being mean to me,but I refuse to permanently lose you even if I have to keep you as an enemy because unlike the guys I'm stubborn and full of love and I AM NOT GIVING UP!
Oh and for the record it won't turn out the same!
I'm not the same Bitch

rhiiradical:
I needed someone while I watched my life get ruined. Everyone was on your side except for Austin, and then he turned on me, too. Do you have any clue what it was like for me? I entered the school with no friends and then you came by and picked me up off my feet and then threw me in a fucking ditch. You don't have to give up, but don't expect your attempts to turn up any results. I don't care anymore. I just want to live my life with the people who really give a fuck.
I've been kicked around too much and I'm fucking sick of it. Call me selfish.

LaurelDenise14:
I do care and I never wanted people on my side, I wanted them to leave me alone and give you a chance, I kept telling them that but no one wanted to listen to me! I still care about you and I do give a fuck,I never stopped.
I'm not judging anyone here. I never will. I know exactly how you feel because so have I. We both know we're not perfect and the reason we got in this argument was because I was letting popularity get to my head and I know I shouldn't have but I didn't mean to I wasn't conciously planning to destroy your life or anything.It was accidental and I'd NEVER EVER IN A LIFETIME DO IT AGAIN! But in all honesty if you don't want to believe me and don't trust me then don't. I won't hold it against you but fuck the people who do because they're hypocritically manifested and it's sickening that I used to be that way and I despise that fact that I acted as badly as I did but I'm not trying to cover up anything. Only you were pretty damn bad yourself, I just wanted to work things out and you were practically killing my emotions and what heart I had left along with my sanity,but I'm better now and I'm never changing not when I'm so happy and on cloud nine. I at least I'm pretty sane...lol! Kind off..but the fact is I never meant to hurt you or ruin your life or anything that I did and I'm sorry I did anything wrong,but for one I never stole Angie away she just left on her own,I wanted us all three to be best friends forever!

rhiiradical:
Don't bring Angela into this. I know I was a bitch. I'm not denying it. I was a harsh, heartless bitch. After a point I just did not give a shit anymore. I'm sorry for that, but it doesn't change a thing. I won't forgive you or fix things. I'm not even going to bother going into some huge rant about that fact, because I've said it as plainly and simply as possible. I just want to be left alone. True, I did contact you in the first place, but I was under the impression you had sent me a text. I don't care if you really did or if your computer did.
That's pretty much all I have to say anymore.

LaurelDenise14:
Okay,fine,I don't feel good and my hands hurt because of my artheritis and they're swelling,so I'm going to continue this on. Only yes I do have your cell number but it's attached in my memory. I'm just at least trying to be nice to you and that's all that matters is that I at least tried,so I guess I'm going to go.

rhiiradical:
Bye, Laurel.

LaurelDenise14:
Bye :( :( :( :( :( :(
You know you wanna be my friend! PLEASE!!!!
look now i have resorted to begging and that's really low for me!
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
:(

rhiiradical:
You don't become someone's friend by asking them to be one. It's not elementary school. You can't just go "Let's be best friends!" and have a peachy life.

LaurelDenise14:
Lol well at least I tried....
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

rhiiradical:
No.

We continued this for about four minutes nonstop.

LaurelDenise14:
Just hang out with me one day and then you can decide if you wanna be my friend
Hold all grudges back

rhiiradical:
No, I won't. I'm stubborn.

LaurelDenise14:
so am i
ask your parents and see what they say

rhiiradical:
They would never let me, you know that. I'm not even letting my mother know I'm talking to you. She would be pissed.

LaurelDenise14:
why?

rhiiradical:
They dislike you as much as I do. Maybe more. They're only polite because they have to be. And I don't feel guilty for saying that.

LaurelDenise14:
Well that's not nice,I like your parents. I've always looked up to them.

rhiiradical:
Your family doesn't like me. Also, what do you expect? Parents don't like people who hurt their children, no matter who or why.

LaurelDenise14:
My parents like you and so does my sis

rhiiradical:
Lmao, since when? You've never hesitated to tell me they think I'm an ugly, selfish, stuck-up bitch.

LaurelDenise14:
True but they still think you're cool actually they think you're pretty
Okay then bye.... :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

rhiiradical:
Bye, Laurel. :l

LaurelDenise14:
:(
:(

rhiiradical:
Stop spamming.

LaurelDenise14:
okay fine. Bye :C
:(

rhiradical:
Bye.

LaurelDenise14:
I'l im u again one day

I can't help but feel guilty - not because I still care about her, but because she has a way of just making you feel like shit. I just don't even know what happened anymore, but popularity has ruined most of my friendships. It makes me GLAD that people think I'm a bitch. I don't want to be popular.

I'm just happy it's over. I don't have to deal with her anymore. She knows how I feel, she knows I'm not going to give in. Whether she DOES IM me or not, I'm still going to stand my ground. She never needed me, except maybe to make her feel better about herself. God, I hate talking about her but I feel like I have to get it out before I scream. We both fucked it up, we just fucked everything up.

Why do I always let rants take up my entire posts?

Actually, all of that was written yesterday, while I was still pissed off. I just went back and changed the dates and stuff.

Today, I haven't done much, at all. I'm so lazy. :P My sister is back from Troy - she and my parents got into another college argument within the first hour after she'd gotten here. Again.

I think I may change my blog layout again. The pink is getting to me, even though it's used in small amounts. I'll probably do something in grey, yellow, and blue.

Lately I've been doing a lot of ink art. Usually, I'll sit in my corner listening to Blue October or KMX or the old summer mix CD I made at the end of sixth grade for a party that never happened and I'll take out a sheet of notebook paper and just scribble down how I feel in black pen. I like the boldness of wild, dark lines.

Out of curiosity, does anyone know what "hypocritically manifested" is supposed to mean? Actually, I'm looking back at the IMs and I feel like I'm the one at fault. I just don't want to get hurt again.

Whoo. Today I've been listening to Kanye West and The Veronicas and Katy Perry and Landon Pigg. Actually, I've mostly just been listening to anything that was on my "Recent Media" list on Imeem. And... this is probably long enough. I've just been trying to make it less angry by balancing it out with happy / neutral things. :o I don't think it worked. But I am in a good mood, actually. I... just wasn't yesterday.

I haven't blogged in so long that I'm really not sure where to begin.

The Cost of Living

The drive from Dothan, Alabama to Fairshire, Rhode Island was the longest of my life. My parents sat in the front while I was stretched out in the back, routinely eating Poptarts from the box on my chest.

The Cost of Living 0.0

In the new plot, once he graduates, Victor's parents inform him that they aren't going to provide for him anymore, so he moves in with his grandmother on the northwestern coast and takes a job on a fishing boat. It goes pretty alright for a while; he becomes friends with some of his shipmates, and although his life isn't really the most amazing he's getting along. Every year around September, though, a violent storm rips through this region of New England; the crew typically tries not to be far out to sea during this time, but this year in particular they have no choice (I haven't found a reason why for this yet). Inevitably, the ship is destroyed in the storm. Victor, by sheer luck, is still clinging to life by the time the sun rises; most of his crewmates are dead or barely alive. He thinks he's saved when an unfamiliar ship makes its way toward the wreckage, but when he's pulled on board, he can see through the ship's crew. The ship itself - The Grapevine Darling - is a soul ferry, which exists to turn the souls of seamen over to the other side. While his surviving crewmates have died from their wounds, his weren't severe enough to cost his life - leaving them with a problem. He can't move on to the other side while he's alive, but he can't return to the 'real world.' So he swears himself as a ferryman, because he has no other choice. The other soul ferrymen are the undead, basically ghosts; they're seamen who sold their souls years prior. Similarly, Sandrine also sold her soul, but she isn't a ferryman; she's an intercepter, meaning that after the ferries collect the souls she guides them over to the other side..

Someday you will be loved.

You'll be loved, you'll be loved.
Like you never have known.
The memories of me will seem like bad dreams

My name is David Geoffrey Courtenay, but that isn't my real name. My real name is Joseph-August Bonnevie. I haven't heard it in sixteen years. I'm twenty-two now, born June 2 1962. My family and I moved to the United States from Lacoste, France when I was five. I have an older brother, Claude, who is a thirty-three year old lawyer, and who had a twin, Daniel. Daniel didn't leave France until I was about thirteen, and him twenty-four. He'd mixed in with the wrong crowd, and it followed him to the United States. He didn't survive past twenty-five. Besides Claude and Daniel, I have a sister, Audrey, who is three years older. She's always aspired to be a chef, and I believe that she probably is now. I haven't seen my dad in years; I received news of my mother's death three and a half years ago.

I'm tall and pale; I look sick, which I am. But I'll get to that later. I have - well, I have an afro. It's light blonde, pale like the rest of me. My eyes are light blue and heavily circled. I keep a bit of a scruffy goatee. I have dark dots running up each arm, from following Daniel's footsteps. I look like I have muscle, but I don't think I'm really that strong. Most of the time I'm a little bit shaky, but I try to cover it up. I shiver a lot.

Before I settled into what I do now, I wanted to be a firefighter. I know. It's cheesy. But something appealed to me about going into those burning buildings and saving people and heroic shit like that. The only downside was that it isn't the most highpaying job ever.

Tell me more, tell me more

Music Shuffle Survey

- TO TAKE THIS SURVEY, SIMPLY PUT YOUR MUSIC PLAYER ON SHUFFLE -
- AND ANSWER THE QUESTIONS WITH THE TITLE OF THE SONG THAT COMES ON -
[it's better if you don't cheat and don't skip any songs.]
What is your name? Or what should your name be?: Magnet - Megurine Luka and Hatsune Miku
How is your life going?: Tainted Love - Marilyn Manson
What is your nickname?: Daughter of Evil - Kagamine Rin
What is your theme song?: Ricochet - Shiny Toy Guns
What is your best friend's theme song?: Your Body is a Wonderland - John Mayer
How is your life going to turn out?: Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard
Will you get married?: Congratulations - Blue October
Will you have kids?: Milkshake - Kelis
What will your job be?: If I Fell in Love With You - The Beatles
Did you/will you finish school?: Dirt Room - Blue October
Who is your best friend?: Dear Maria, Count Me In - All Time Low
Who is or will be your significant other?: Paralyzer - Finger Eleven
Who do you like?: I'm Not Over - Carolina Liar
How will you die?: Finale A - Rent Soundtrack
How do you feel right now?: Over the Moon - Rent Soundtrack
What is your favorite song?: I Owe You a Love Song - Shiny Toy Guns
How could you describe your parents?: Id Engager - Of Montreal
Your best friend[s]?: Today 4 U - Rent Soundtrack
Your teachers?: Relief Next to Me - Tegan and Sara
Your significant other [or crush...]?: X Amount of Words - Blue October
Yourself?: Her Portrait in Black - Atreyu
What is your best feature?: What I've Done - Linkin Park
What will you be / should you be, profession-wise?: The End - Blue October
How could you describe this survey?: Picking Up Pieces - Blue October
What makes you angry?: Smile Like You Mean It - The Killers
What makes you sad?: I Should Tell You - Rent Soundtrack
What makes you happy?: I Wanna Be Your Limousine - Black Kids
What makes you dance?: Another Day - Rent Soundtrack
What is your favorite color?: Hop a Plane - Tegan and Sara
How would you describe yourself?: Ghosts - Little Boots
Who is your worst enemy?: Life Support - Rent Soundtrack
Who do you hate?: Change Your Mind - Sister Hazel
Who do you love?: My Never - Blue October
Who do you lust after?: Sound of Pulling Heaven Down - Blue October
Finish the Sentece
I wish: Little Wonders - Rob Thomas
I want to: Should Be Loved - Blue October
I want to kill: Red Velvet - Hadji and the Turbans
I want to eat: Le Disko - Shiny Toy Guns
My head: Gallery Piece - Of Montreal
I am: Love Like Winter - AFI
My best feature is: Bag of Hammers - Thao Nguyen
My eyes are: Seasons of Love - Rent Soundtrack
My hair is: Without You - Rent Soundtrack
My face is: Stylo - Gorillaz
You should: Take Me or Leave Me - Rent Soundtrack
Random
Words of advice: Burn Your Life Down - Tegan and Sara
How do others see me?: Circle City Blues - Hadji and the Turbans
How do I see myself?: She Likes the Saxaphone - Hadji and the Turbans